The modern dating process

There are more singles in the netherlands today than ever before. How is it possible that we have such a hard time finding “the one”, while the opportunities for dating have increased? apparently, all those dating sites and apps like tinder aren’t making it easier to find a life partner.

While this is what you would expect since, in today’s world, you can browse through hundreds of potential candidates, looking for the prettiest or most appealing person. With the click of a button, you could be enjoying a glass of wine in a café with a beautiful man or woman on the same day. Despite this fact, in my job as Personal Matchmaker and Singles Coach, I meet many people, who, after years of dating and considerable effort still haven’t met the right person. This way, dating can become a time-consuming, tedious affair.

The popular American comedian, Aziz Ansari, recently wrote the book Modern Romance concerning our “modern love lives”, and why, despite the drastic increase in the number of sites and apps on the market, finding the right partner has actually become harder. In his view, the overwhelming number of singles on offer is the problem

What makes this particular fact so interesting? Because it mirrors my experience in my practice. The reality is that it takes some time before you’re able to properly assess a person. When using superficial dating sites and apps you usually don’t take the time to get to know someone, resulting in disappointment, after which – lacking any gained insight or understanding – you quickly move on to the next candidate.

Giving each other time, seeing each other more than once, and finding and taking the opportunity to really get to know one another, are important features in the dating process. The fact is that part of your desires manifest subconsciously. “What do you really want and what stimulates you?” Dating sites and apps only play into the conscious aspects of your desires. As such, you might only select blondes or brunettes, for example. When you lack insight into the subconscious areas that attract you, it is impossible to determine whether someone is the right partner for you. I call this “unconsciously incompetent”. By giving yourself time and space to get in touch with your unconscious desires, you open the door to truly getting to know someone. Ultimately, this will allow you to decide whether someone is the right match for you. What I do? I will gladly assist you in this learning process through my coaching and by applying my method.


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