The primary focus of my job as Personal Matchmaker concerns the early stages of a love relationship, which is why I mostly get to see the fun parts, such as the excitement of getting to know each other, the intoxication of falling in love and making plans for the future. Nonetheless, relationship endings play an equally important role in my job, since all my customers have experienced love relationships in the past and these experiences influence the relationships they will have in the future in a variety of ways. Saying goodbye to a relationship is always challenging, and it takes time to process loss. This process often goes hand in hand with emotions such as sadness, anger and a sense of misunderstanding. But, at a certain point, the process is completed, allowing you to once again view yourself objectively. Only then are you able to learn from the situation, by looking at the less-than-perfect sides of your own behaviour or what was lacking from the previous relationship, for example. The processing process is important. An unprocessed loss can be an obstacle in (finding) a new relationship. Therefore, it’s important to give yourself plenty of time for this process by first accepting that you have something to process. The challenge is to give a new direction to your life as a brand-new single, while at the same time processing the pain of the breakup. By critically evaluating yourself and your expectations, you can gain insight into your desires and needs. With my extensive experience guiding people through this process, I have listed several helpful tips that will assist you in this realisation process.
Take good care of yourself
It is important to reshape your life in a positive way. Undertake actions that you know are good for you. Redecorate your house according to your own tastes and put items that remind you of your relationship into storage. Spend time with your family and friends. Make sure you don’t draw shared friends into, or make them part of, a feud between you and your ex.
Watch out for a rebound affair!
Immediately entering into a new relationship with the first person who presents him or herself isn’t a good idea. Relationships that arise in periods of the emotional turbulence following a breakup are generally doomed to fail, with all the necessary consequences, because, afterwards, you’ll have two relationships to process instead of one. That does not mean you cannot enjoy flirting or having a one-night stand. These experiences can teach you something about yourself, and the positive attention will boost your confidence.
Bury the hatchet!
Although you might be furious with your ex-partner, avoid getting into fights with him or her. Fighting demands a lot of energy and causes more damage than is necessary. Realise that anger is part of the pain of an ended relationship. After some time has passed and the pain recedes, the anger will also fade. You will start to see that your ex-partner is someone with both positive and negative sides, just like yourself.
Learn from your experiences!
Dare to critically evaluate yourself. Perhaps there had been an ongoing problem before you broke up that you were too afraid to confront. Maybe you were too eager to adapt your behaviour in the relationship and discounted yourself in the process. Or perhaps you spent too little time and attention on the other person, causing a rift to develop. Once you realise why your previous relationship ended, doors to new relationships will open. By gaining more self-knowledge, you will be able to prevent falling into the same pitfalls again. You have been given a beautiful, new opportunity. Make use of it!
A backpack filled with life experience is certainly a good thing, but make sure that it is well organised and tidy. A messy backpack will stand in the way of a new relationship. Therefore, make sure you have your affairs in order. Find out who you are, what you want and what you’re looking for in life and from a partner. There is a considerable chance you’ve changed as a person. Develop yourself!
Make characteristic features, living patterns and desires from a partner visible for yourself. Because you will only be able to meet a true match if you know what you’re looking for in love.
Best of luck!